I have always been somewhat of a writer, although I don’t show that side of me on MFC, and I thought I would use Tumblr as a way for you all to see this side of Allison. I promise that what I write here will not be a way for me to whine about the challenges I undergo in life, but I will probably vent here and there when I feel I legitimately deserve the right to do so. I have a true desire to inspire people and motivate them and I hope that in some small way I accomplish this here. If not, I will feel relaxed in doing something I enjoy: Writing.
I do want to semi explain my lack of a set schedule on MFC lately (in the past it was due to a larger number of things like my ex, etc. but now this is why). I have what I would say is above average responsibilities for a 21 year old girl. I do pay all my own bills (thanks to you all :] ), and in addition to supporting myself, I have had to help support my mother since I was 16 years old. My mother is an epileptic (meaning she has seizures) and cannot drive, ride a bike, etc. (I tried to teach her how to do both of these things and it was not a good outcome. :| ) I would probably say my mother has the intelligence of a 10 year old child. At age 13 I knew I was more intelligent than her. She has been a cashier all her life at various places and currently is a cashier at a dollar store. (I used to be ashamed to tell people that in high school.) I dropped out of high school because the stress of bills, etc, was too much and I found school to be a pointless thing to continue. (I know. Not exactly a good life choice, but hey, everyone has a different path in life. I do have my GED though :] ) Forgive me if I don’t stay entirely on topic. I just want to make sure all the details are given. So back to my mom. My mom has a very large range of health problems and disabilities, but on the other hand she is a very difficult person to deal with and isn’t all that nice a lot of the time. She used to refer to me as “the bitch” to co-workers, and made me out to be this awful daughter all the while I was putting a roof over her head. In December last year I finally said I would no longer help her. That didn’t exactly work out because she was evicted from her apartment and guess who got stuck with a bill of 3 months rent plus attorney fees? Me. Not to mention I got to clean out her apartment. (She is a hoarder and does not clean anything.) So now her health is really going down hill and I am her only living relative and the only person she has and so I can’t morally let her just be homeless or fend for herself, bearing the fact that if something happened, I would feel responsible for not helping. So now she is living with me and believe me when I say this: I cannot fucking stand her. I know she is my mom and has issues, but all she has ever done is cause me stress. The first few hours she was here, she decided to walk my dog who is too strong for her, and he got away from her and attacked a neighbors little dog and now I have a court date and a vet bill. Not to mention I have this $2,000 bill from her apartment, in addition to my own bills. My mom has always messed me up financially in pretty much every way possible. So anywho, today she came home from work early, and then this afternoon she had a seizure in my living room. So not only do I have the financial stress, but also the stress of worrying about her well-being and having to make most decisions for her because she doesn’t make the right ones on her own. Plus like I said, I have my own bills and responsibilities etc. So, I may take extended breaks from MFC, but I am not one of those models that gets online and makes a quick buck then leaves to go blow it. The truth is, I have been barely surviving for months. I really really depend on you guys and I’m sorry for that, but that’s camming. lol. I sometimes don’t come online (like tonight), because I will simply not be a pleasant person and might be emotional and cry or just come off badly and I don’t want to do that. I really really care about you guys, like no joke. I love spending time with you guys and laughing and being happy. I just have a lot going on and I really need you to understand that and I really really need your support because it truly means something to me. I always try to be entertaining and make you feel good about tipping me.
A little background info about me: I was in a 4.5 year relationship and engaged and the relationship had gone bad a long time before 4.5 years and I gave up friends and didnt keep in touch with family. So now, I am single, have no friends here in nashville, and am not close with any family except my dad, brother, and I guess my mom. My dad and brother live in southern Alabama and the rest of my family lives in Washington state where I am from, Oregon, and Alaska. I haven’t really seen them since I was 14 and like once every couple years since then at weddings etc. So it is just me and my mom. And my two dogs. Lately I have been very stressed and alone with my stress which makes me depressed and that goes back to, if I feel this way I don’t cam. So anywho, right now I am struggling and am in need of all the support I can get from you all like I said.
I promise my next post will be much more light-hearted and probably much shorter lol. I just had to communicate this to everyone so I wasn’t misunderstood. Just know I do try very hard for you guys to make you happy because it does mean something to me. :]
Thank you to those who have supported me time and time again and even recent new supporters. It helps me wake up everyday with hope for the future. If there are any suggestions you would like to give me for stuff to do on cam, feel free to leave a comment and I will consider all suggestions. :]